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Don’t ghost, be a good ender

September 01, 20232 min read

Dating world is a space to explore, full of possibilities as well as disappointments. When meeting someone for the first time, we frequently hold high hopes for a profound connection that could evolve into a beautiful love story. Physical chemistry can be somewhat discerned when meeting in person, but online dating lacks this immediate clarity. That is why, treading cautiously becomes crucial to avoid projecting desires onto potential partners without truly exploring the viability of a connection. Nevertheless, putting this into practice can be quite challenging.

Picture this: you’re on a date, and it becomes apparent rather swiftly that the expected magic isn’t transpiring. The anticipated sparks did not fly, conversations feel strained, and awkward silences dominated the interaction. It’s evident that the connection is a dead end, a realization you’re acutely aware of. As the date nears its conclusion, it’s ideal to honestly communicate that. If you’re fortunate enough to have a mutually unsatisfactory date, it is easier to say goodbyes. But what if one party perceives the situation differently?

In case when you are not put on the spot and asked directly for a future meet-up, concluding things through a text message a bit later is by far a more considerate choice than ghosting. Ghosting should never be a preferred method to end a connection. Opt for a compassionate approach, be a kind ender and send a message like, “I appreciate your time, but I didn’t feel the connection I had hoped for. I wish you the best of luck in finding someone you genuinely click with.” This affords. In our pursuit of better communication, we can all make individual improvements.

However, what if, as you’re ready to part ways, you unexpectedly hear, “I had a great time. When can we meet again?” A surge of uncomfortable emotions will probably come up, demanding a decision: how should you respond? For many, direct communication in such situations proves discomforting. Here are some suggestions to navigate this scenario, saving you from potential panic or false promises.

If directly stating “No, thank you” feels daunting, do not agree to another meeting under any circumstance. Instead, respond with, “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Let me think about it.” Chances are, the recipient will perceive your lack of enthusiasm. However, after returning home, resist the urge to simply vanish. Instead, offer a gracious parting message: “Thanks for your time. I thought about it and I realized that the connection I had hoped for wasn’t there. I wish you the best in finding someone you genuinely connect with.”

Being a considerate dater transcends mere connection endings. It extends respect and emotional closure to those who felt a connection, although unreciprocated. If each one of us ends connections with grace and kindness, there would have been much less bitterness and frustration in the dating world. This seemingly minor act of kindness and respect not only encourages those who faced rejection to persist in their search for love but also enhances our collective communication skills.

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Irena Polyakova

Irena, a passionate Life and Relationship Coach on a mission to transform the statistics on loneliness. With a deep-rooted desire to help people find love within themselves and in a healthy relationship, she draws upon her own experiences and a wealth of knowledge acquired through rigorous academic and life education.

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