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Infatuation with Projected Desires

April 30, 20232 min read

The virtual dating world can be alluring and captivating. We come across someone’s profile, drawn to their attractive appearance, and when we get a match, our imagination starts racing, envisioning them as “the one” because that’s what we yearn for. We create a whole persona for them in our minds, assigning them all the wonderful qualities we desire, and we begin building a relationship with this virtual version of them. Wrapped up in projecting our hopes and desires onto this potential partner, we feel excitement brewing. However, we often overlook the fact that true connection and compatibility take time to discover. It’s a slow and gradual process in most cases. If only it were as simple as a match with a captivating face and a fantastic first date, leading us to believe we’ve found our perfect match. But building a genuine connection requires effort, skill, and confidence, which comes from actively developing and refining our dating and relationship skills.

Making the mistake of projecting our own desires and aspirations onto someone we’ve just met can create problems. Instead of getting to know the person in front of us, we become infatuated with the idealized version we’ve constructed in our minds. This leads to confusion and disappointment, as we may overlook red flags or signs of incompatibility in our eagerness to live out the love story we’ve envisioned. We find ourselves living in a fantasy, detached from reality. It takes conscious effort to invest time and truly get to know the person objectively, without projecting our fears from past relationships or attempting to mold the connection based on our childhood relationship models. It takes time to determine if this connection extends beyond the initial attraction, if it truly aligns with our heart, mind, soul, and body. There is no instant gratification in seeking a long-term relationship with someone. As much as we want quick answers, the truth is that it’s not possible to know everything right away. True connection requires patience, exploration, and genuine understanding.

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Irena Polyakova

Irena, a passionate Life and Relationship Coach on a mission to transform the statistics on loneliness. With a deep-rooted desire to help people find love within themselves and in a healthy relationship, she draws upon her own experiences and a wealth of knowledge acquired through rigorous academic and life education.

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