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Texting Trap

June 07, 20232 min read

Texting, social media, and virtual interactions may create the illusion of reality, but they fall short when it comes to forming genuine connections. Face-to-face conversations require skills, patience, and awareness. In-person interactions provide real-time feedback, allowing us to observe body language, scent, energy, physical touch, facial expressions, and voice tone. These elements help us make conscious and subconscious assessments about the nature of the connection. Conversely, texting poses a significant obstacle in accurately evaluating the potential for a real connection. Our brains process information through our filters, influenced by past experiences, triggers, fears, and desires. When texting, we don’t see the whole picture. While we can through text evaluate the level of intelligence, sense of humor, or how articulate the person is, it’s only a sign that there might be a potential, but not an effective way to truly get to know someone.

When I coach my male clients, I always insist on them setting up their first meetup within a few days of a match online. Many people, due to negative self-limiting beliefs or fears of not being good enough, hesitate to take this step. They continue existing in virtual reality, communicating with an idealized projection of their desires instead of genuinely getting to know the person behind the texts.

I once coached someone who spent a few months engaging in text-only communication without any phone calls or in-person meetings. They believed they had a connection, exchanging pictures, flirting, and even sexting. Yet, they failed to arrange a face-to-face meeting, and each had a different reason for that. They were living in a virtual relationship, that was easy and fun.

We should not judge those who invest significant time in texting without insisting on meeting in person. They genuinely hope for something special and we all want to feel special. However, fear of facing reality and potential rejection may prevent them from pursuing in-person meetups.

If you find yourself in a situation where texting feels comfortable, but the thought of meeting in person triggers anxiety, or if the other person consistently postpones the meeting, remember that we are all human. It’s not always easy to confront our limiting beliefs or fears. Nevertheless, wasting time endlessly texting instead of discovering the true potential of a connection is a trap. Time passes quickly, and if your goal is to find love and create a fulfilling relationship, wasting time is not an option. Swap the virtual reality for real-life experiences. This approach not only enables efficient filtering of connections (with the right dating skills), but also fosters personal growth.

Don’t shy away from human interaction. We all yearn for it, and it’s up to each of us to make an effort to embrace life and love, rather than creating an alternate dimension through endless text exchanges.

Value your time, recognize your worth, and have the courage to move past any fears that hinder deeper connections and personal growth.

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Irena Polyakova

Irena, a passionate Life and Relationship Coach on a mission to transform the statistics on loneliness. With a deep-rooted desire to help people find love within themselves and in a healthy relationship, she draws upon her own experiences and a wealth of knowledge acquired through rigorous academic and life education.

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